


Hearts drive like Makos (harder to control than one would think)

by ImagineYourself



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: A healthy dose of feels, Angst and Fluff, Destroy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Joker has feelings too, M/M, Post-Series, Post-Thessia, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5092400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineYourself/pseuds/ImagineYourself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan twisted from his perch on one of the couches in the starboard observation when Shepard stomped in, huffing curses under his breath. The major allowed his commander to plop down on the other couch and cross his arms over his chest before speaking. “I'm gonna go ahead and assume Joker said something stupid again, am I right?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hearts drive like Makos (harder to control than one would think)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OctopusHotdogs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctopusHotdogs/gifts).



> For my bro-est of bros. Happy birthday, bruh.
> 
> I had a plan in mind when I started writing this, but then it kinda... went away. Now it's this feels-laden mess of fluff-ish stuff. I also just finished 3 again for like the 7th time sooooooooooooooo.. Enjoy my mostly self-indulgent happy ending.

Kaidan twisted from his perch on one of the couches in the starboard observation when Shepard stomped in, huffing curses under his breath. The major allowed his commander to plop down on the other couch and cross his arms over his chest before speaking.

“I'm gonna go ahead and assume Joker said something stupid again, am I right?” Kaidan asked softly, turning his eyes back to the vastness of space. Casually, he watched Shepard in his peripheral vision.

Shepard, meanwhile, stared sullenly at the floor between his feet, chest expanding and compressing as he took deeper and deeper breaths. “Yeah,” he replied sharply.

With a silent sigh, Kaidan crossed one leg over the other and shifted his body to face the commander. “You know he's just—”

“I know,” Shepard cut him off. There was a pregnant silence for a few long seconds. With a puff of breath, Shepard dropped his shoulders. “Sorry.”

“Hey, it's okay, I know it's rough right now. We all feel it. And Liara...” he trailed off. Drawing in a long breath, he continued, “Let's just stay at I know it's rough. You and Joker have always had your differences, he's just worried about you. We all are,” he added gently.

Shepard didn't need him to say the unspoken. He knew the crew was worried; about the war, about him, about their own families and everyone else's. It was almost a blessing to Shepard that he had no blood to look after. He already had himself and his crew—everyone that had served with him included—Chakwas and Anderson, even Hackett to a degree. He didn't need relatives to add to the faces he saw at night in whatever passed as dreams these days. He suppressed a shiver in his spine and glanced at Kaidan, who was covertly watching him under his lashes.

They sat in relative silence for a few minutes as Shepard slowly moved his gaze towards the stars. Space was always comforting to him. The hum of Normandy's engine was a calming lull even in the most desperate of times. The slide of the door behind them was louder than the footsteps that followed. Shepard didn't need to look to know who it was, the telltale offbeat steps were signifying enough. Joker sat beside Shepard, not speaking. Shepard could see from the corner of his vision that the pilot had his hands clasped between his knees.

“Hey,” Kaidan greeted, not moving. Shepard was silent, waiting.

Eventually, Joker cleared his throat, interrupting the moment. “I left EDI to drive the ship for a while. She promised not to crash us into any space rocks.” He paused to sigh. “I'm not sure how much I trust her with that.”

Kaidan huffed a breath and Shepard knew the other Spectre was smiling despite Joker's forlorn tone. “She's probably listening, Joker.”

Somehow that thought was not uncomforting to Shepard and he muttered, “Don't mind him EDI, he just likes being the only one to fly the ship.”

Quietly, through the speakers, EDI responded, “I can turn off my sensors in this room if you would prefer, Shepard.”

Shepard shook his head. “Keep your eyes on the road EDI.”

Joker snorted from beside him. “Now who's joking around?” They lapsed into silence again. “Sorry,” Joker said tightly, “I went too far again.”

Shepard felt a frown on his mouth and glanced to see Kaidan looking at him with slightly raised eyebrows. “Why didn't you tell me Anderson talked to you about me?” It wasn't what he wanted to say, but it came out when Shepard parted his lips. He didn't look at Joker's face, almost afraid of what expression he might find there.

“Because I'm worried, too,” the flight lieutenant spluttered. Sucking in a breath and letting it go, he continued more slowly, “Because he called me as your friend, not as the Admiral. And as your friend I didn't figure you needed to know. It's personal. It's not your mission, it's ours. Someone's gotta keep you from dragging yourself down before you save the rest of us. And hopefully after that, too.” He let that float in the air a few moments for Shepard to soak in.

“Shepard,” Kaidan began, turning again in his seat to lean forward and look at him. “You're our commander, of course, but first and foremost you're our friend, and our family.”

Eyes tired, Shepard looked to him, meeting the gentle gaze of the major over his pursed lips. He slowly rounded his head and at last took in Joker's face next to him, the corners of the pilot's mouth turned down as he stared at some point by his feet that Shepard couldn't follow. The commander finally sighed, “I know.” Dropping his chin, he repeated, “I know.” Whether it was to himself or the others, no one was sure.

He heard the fabric protest as Kaidan stood from his couch, his boots echoing on the floor as he stepped lightly towards where Shepard sat. With hands on Shepard's knees, he lowered into a crouch before the commander, smiling softly. Gentle fingers lifted Shepard's chin until their eyes met. “What are you smiling about?” Shepard asked sullenly.

Kaidan didn't answer but leaned up enough to press a kiss to Shepard's mouth, waiting until Shepard's shoulders dropped low and his lips relaxed before pulling away. “Feel better?”

Shepard sighed. “Yeah,” he mumbled, expression marginally less dark. The corner of his mouth even twitched as Kaidan gave him a playful glare.

“I can't believe you Kaidan,” Joker suddenly said from beside them. Both looked over to see his frown. “I was gonna do that.”

Shepard couldn't help the short laugh that shook his chest. He finally uncrossed his arms and placed a hand on Joker's thigh. He turned sideways as much as he could with Kaidan still between his legs, and used his other hand to take the pilot's hat, twist it around so the brim was in the back, and pull him into a kiss by his jaw. “Happy?”

Joker smirked at them. “I could be happier.”

Feeling his shoulders lighten, along with his heart, Shepard glanced between the other two. “Thanks,” he told them sincerely, putting a hand on Kaidan's shoulder so he was connected to them both. Two matching smiles were his response and he squeezed his hands, heart clenching.

 

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It was dark, but also bright, and Shepard was confused. He slowly realized his eyes must have been shut. He could see the galaxy passing him by, but he wasn't moving. Everything was heavy and loud, louder than Normandy's engines, louder even than the snores of his squadmates—Wrex included. Thinking of snoring, he thought he could hear the familiar snort-breathing he strongly associated with naps between missions. Underlying that was a gentle _beep, beep, beep_ , that reminded him of his mother. Or maybe someone like his mother.

Hushed whispers found him but he could only catch every few words. A female voice saying, “... night... Alenko... go home and...” A male voice countered, still quiet, but closer, “Can't leave yet... be here soon...”

 _Kaidan_ , Shepard thought, trying to say it out loud, not quite sure who he was calling for. The name felt right in his frontal cortex, maybe it would feel right on his tongue, too. His fingers twitched when he tried to move them, but he felt too heavy to try and reach out for the thing he was trying to say. The weight of his limbs sent a dose of adrenaline through his blood, fear making him stubborn.

“Kai—d'n,” he tried again, his lips barely moving and the word little more than a choked breath. He managed to lift his hand a little but didn't know what to do with it so he set it back down, heart racing. He still couldn't see, didn't know what was happening. Nothing seemed particularly dangerous at the moment, but he couldn't fight his natural instinct to look at what was around him, exits, people, threats. His eyes refused to open.

“Kaidan.” This time he had a little more depth to the word, he actually heard it in his ears instead of just feeling it in his tight throat. A hand found the one he'd been trying to move and he clasped it with as much strength as he could; he wasn't sure how much strength that actually was. Everything still felt heavy and he was suddenly tired.

“Shepard,” a whisper reached his ears. “I'm here.” It was Kaidan's voice, he knew somewhere that must have been who it was. No one else had that voice. “Joker, wake up. He's awake,” Kaidan continued. Somewhere else in his muddled head he knew Kaidan wasn't talking to him.

“Joker?” he asked hoarsely, trying to move his mouth.

“Yeah, he's here, hasn't left your side once. Shepard, it's okay, you can relax.” He could hear the relief and the worry mix in Kaidan's voice. He wanted to open his eyes. He needed to _see_.

Slowly, he blinked. Then again. Then several more times. Each time he opened his eyes the picture was becoming more and more clear. Above him loomed Kaidan's dark hair, unusually messy and hanging over his forehead. His eyes were clear and brown like always, but surrounded by dark circles that made Shepard frown and squint at him. He suddenly felt someone else's hands on his arm and painfully tried to turn his head.

“Shepard?” The brim of a hat was the first thing Shepard saw before Joker's face came into view. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks sunken in. One of Joker's hands was connected to an IV beside him and the other had a tight cast that stretched down his forearm.

Shepard raised his hand slowly and touched fingertips to Joker's neck. “No jokes for waking up?” he whispered roughly. The corner of his mouth turned up as Joker took his raised hand with both of his own.

The pilot's eyes started shining with tears and he choked out a laugh. “You stupid fucker...” he mumbled.

Shepard tried to laugh but his chest was too heavy to breathe like that and he winced with the pain of it. Kaidan brushed a hand through his hair and watched sympathetically, eyes half-closed with concern and exhaustion. “You should rest,” the major told him quietly.

“My sentiments exactly,” another familiar voice said, entering the room behind him. Chakwas had a smile on her face, wrinkles of age disappearing in her relief. “I'm glad to see you awake, Shepard.” She nodded to Kaidan. “Dr. Michel told me just moments ago after the nurse informed her.”

“Karin,” Shepard whispered, blinking at her several times as she came and sat at the foot of his bed. It was then that he realized he was in a hospital room. “Where are we?”

“Vancouver,” Kaidan answered with a sheepish smile. “There's still quite a bit standing after the... war.” He finished the sentence slowly, looking at Chakwas.

“War...” The word took Shepard by surprise and he looked at his feet, tented by the blanket over his body. “What happened?”

Chakwas pursed her lips and clasped her hands. “What do you remember, Commander?”

“I was... the Citadel was over London and I... killed the Illusive Man. There was a boy and he said I had to choose. I chose... Anderson....” He glanced up to see the three giving each other unreadable looks.

“The reapers were destroyed. EDI, too, and... you. Partially,” Kaidan said gently. “You're still—I mean you're fine now, but you... weren't.”

“How long?” Shepard suddenly asked.

Joker was the one to answer this time, thumb stroking Shepard's hand. “Six months.”

“Months?” Shepard would have yelled it had his vocal chords allowed. As it was, the beep of his heart monitor almost drowned him out as he fought sudden panic. Six months was a long time. A lot could happen in that amount of time. “What has—?”

“Shepard, calm down, it's alright,” Chakwas said to him sternly, placing a hand on his knee. “Don't worry about anything right now. You need to rest. Everything will eventually be explained.”

“But I—”

“...check on his implants and—Shepard!” Liara's voice suddenly spooked him into looking at the door where she and Dr. Michel were entering. “Shepard are you alright?”

“Liara,” Shepard greeted her, almost smiling at the way she all but shoved herself between Kaidan and Chakwas to touch his hip and look worriedly over him. “It's good to see you.”

“You as well,” she replied, eyes softening as she smiled and leaned into Kaidan's side.

“Why are you on Earth?” he asked cautiously.

She looked away from him for a moment. “I haven't left, actually. I've been helping to coordinate repairs on Thessia from here, but since we came back and found you... The whole crew is on Earth still, Shepard. Well, except for EDI.” Her face fell for a few moments and Shepard felt loss scorch through him at the mention again. “We can't actually leave the system yet.”

Shepard stared at her uncomprehendingly. “What?”

“All of the relays were broken when the Crucible went off. We spent weeks getting back here. By the time we got back, the Alliance had already recovered you from the rubble and were working on saving you. Miranda was there, too. I don't think we could have done it if not for her... again.” Shepard's mouth was open as Liara spoke, amazed.

“Where is everyone?” he finally asked.

“Around,” Kaidan said with a shrug. “Most of them are staying at my parent's old place, which mostly survived. Everyone's been doing their part helping here and there with the aftermath. Well, everyone but Joker.”

Shepard looked over at the pilot. “Have you really been here the whole time?”

With a decidedly offhanded shrug, Joker nodded. “I was worried, ya know, and well... everyone else has been trading off shifts to help.”

“Joker...” Shepard started, unsure how he could possibly state what he wanted to.

“Yeah, I know,” Joker told him, a half-smile covering up his tiredness.

Taking a breath, Shepard looked over them all, his mind supplying images of those were missing from the room. He'd see them soon enough, he was sure, once they learned he was awake again. “Thanks,” he told them all. “For saving me.”

“No, Shepard,” Chakwas said. There was something in her eyes that Shepard couldn't place. “Thank _you_ for saving us. All of us.”

 


End file.
